From Me to You: 3 Important Things to Know About Weight Loss & Health

What can I say about weight loss?

It's a thing almost every adult has had to contend with at some point in their lives. Some struggle with it, others barely need to think about it, but overall it's a THING - right? Obesity is on the rise and it's no secret that it impacts our health, causing heart disease, diabetes, and even being linked to cancer.

I am currently about 35 pounds away from being at what's considered (medically) to be a healthy weight. And after 43+ years on this earth, I feel like I have learned a few things - a lot of bumpy experiences can provide a great deal of education. 😏After a lot of trial and error in the weight loss department, I finally feel like I am getting a handle on it, and I wanted to share some of what I have learned. I know I am not a health coach or an expert in this area, but I do have a lot of life experience, and I am hoping that by sharing some of my wisdom, I might help others out there who are like me! Just regular people who want to be healthier, trying to figure it out day by day.

1 - If you can't picture eating a certain way for the rest of your life, it won't work as a weight loss plan. Fad diets and super restrictive eating sometimes render results, and often do so quickly, but they are not sustainable. I have done basically every diet out there and I will tell you this: if I had to spend the rest of my life never eating bread or pasta ever again, I'd honestly rather not eat at all. Any time I have done a diet that told me certain foods were completely off limits, it worked for a very short period of time, but eventually I'd be missing and feeling deprived of whatever food was off limits. Now, that being said, sometimes people have a medical condition that requires them to remove certain things from their diets, that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about telling yourself you can't ever have a piece of cake on your birthday ever again because it's "bad" food; I'm talking about telling yourself you need to remove bananas from your morning cereal because they are too high in carbohydrates (or removing all fruit from your diet because of the sugar and carbs); I'm talking about beating yourself up over food and assigning "good" and "bad" labels to them. That is disordered thinking and it can lead to disordered eating and self-destructive behavior. Also, one of the biggest reasons people gain weight back after they lose it is because whatever fad diet or restrictive eating habits they do to lose the weight are only sustainable on the short term - as soon as the weight is lost, they go back to eating the way they used to before the diet, and then the weight comes back on. If you can't imagine spending the rest of your life counting calories and carbs or not eating a piece of bread, then don't do it to lose weight. It just won't work.

2 - Beware of diet programs and eating plans that don't account for behavior and psychology. Something I have learned in all my experience with weight loss and eating plans is that if you don't factor in the reasons why people overeat or why they struggle with weight loss at all, then the behavior likely won't change. And while everyone's story is different, at the heart of it we are all human and behavior change is often stressful and difficult for most people - that's normal. One size does not fit all, you can have the perfect formula for weight loss (eat x calories per day and exercise for x minutes per week to lose x pounds per month), but you would be missing something really important - how people feel. A program (or coach) that offers emotional, behavioral, and psychological support in a person's health journey is a program that gets what it means to be human. If you ignore what's going on in someone's head consciously and subconsciously, you are ignoring who they are and what makes them act the way that they do.

3 - Stick to what feels right, what fuels your body and soul, and leave the rest. It has taken me a long time to realize this, but not feeling well is too big of a price for anything. This is why I decided to stop drinking alcohol. As I entered my 40s, I started to understand how vital it is to be healthy and to feel good. I spent too many years enduring hangovers and poor sleep and it made me feel like crap most of the time. Once I started taking care of myself more, I started to really know what feeling well felt like. And once I got a taste of THAT, I didn't ever want to go back to feeling crappy. The same is true with nutrition. When I eat junky food, I feel junky. So now I try to limit that stuff and strike a good balance with whole nutritious foods. But that doesn't mean sugary treats or potato chips are off limits (per my first point about not restricting or eliminating food for the sake of weight loss), it just means I need to lean into how I am feeling physically to help guide me in my eating plan. It also means not compromising my health for the sake of weight loss - no diet supplements/shakes/pills, starving myself, or eating "franken-foods" designed to look healthy while being full of chemicals. 

As I said earlier, I'm not even at my "goal weight" yet (btw, a goal weight should be whatever fits your life and will help you be the healthiest version of you (including your mental health), and that could very well be the weight you are at now!), so I am definitely not a guru in this area; however, I feel confident I am now on the right path for my health and wellness, and I hope some of this advice I shared in this post may help someone out there who needs it. It took me a long time to figure this all out and I am glad to share my experience.

I wish you well in your health journey, wherever you may be! 💕

My Retirement from Running

I have had a love-hate relationship with running since I first started back in 2006. But as up and down as my time with running has been, I always enjoyed it more than I disliked it. Always. 

That's basically true for anything I do in life. I have this personal policy of doing what feels good, and if it stops feeling good, then I let it go. 

Jobs, relationships, hobbies, anything - as long I like them at least 1% more than not liking them, I stick to them. But if that switch should flip, then I re-evaluate as needed.

I'm all for sticking to a challenge and seeing it through, but I also refuse to repeatedly feel mental or physical distress for long stretches of time. I don't see it as quitting, but instead I think of it as being mindful of what my body and mind both need, and taking heed of that. It's a deliberate act of not ignoring the glaringly obvious signs in front of me saying, "STOP!" 

Letting go of what doesn't feel right for me is a way for me to show myself kindness and compassion, something I am getting better at doing for myself more and more as I get older. 

So back to running...as I said before, up until now I always enjoyed it more than I didn't. That's what kept me going and what kept me signing up for and running long distance races. I couldn't possibly have completed 4 full marathons, 5 half marathons, and countless other distances if I didn't enjoy running. For me, I was into it physically and mentally - but if I ever lost one or the other, I knew my running days would probably be over.

Which brings me to today. I have been trying to train for the upcoming Falmouth Road Race taking place in August of this year, and the struggle has been real, my friends. While I did run a bit in 2020 during lockdown (all virtual races, of course - including a half marathon and a full marathon), trying to get back to regular running this year has been extremely painful.

And it hit me today as I attempted to run 2 miles: I don't want to do this anymore. I now officially dislike running more than I like it. Make no mistake, running has never been easy for me as I am not athletically built/trained/skilled, but even when it was hard, it was still always fun for me. I mostly did it for the bragging rights, but I also liked how I felt when I ran; it was a form of meditation for me. Running got me outside of my head for a while, and there are very few things out there that can do that.

For the last 3 weeks of attempting to get my butt in gear to train for this 7-mile race on the Cape, I couldn't figure out why I was struggling. It wasn't just feeling physically difficult whenever I went for a run, but it also felt like my brain was screaming "NO!" every single time. But I kept trying...I figured maybe I have been feeling tired lately, or feeling resistant because the weather has been hot and humid, or maybe it's the trail I am running on, perhaps I need a change in scenery. So I kept switching up the time of day I would run, where I would run, the distance. I ran on cool days and warm days. I ran and ran and ran even though I kept thinking, "I don't want to run". 

As the great Kenny Rogers once said, "You've got to know when to hold 'em, and know when to fold 'em". It finally occurred to me today that I am ready to fold 'em. The reason I haven't been able to get back into running again is because...my running days might be over.

I vaguely remember telling people in my life in years past that I was ready to give up running, but I never felt done with it then - just in need of a break. And I'd take long breaks from doing it and then eventually feel refreshed and ready to give it a shot again.

So what's different now? 

Well, for one thing, I'm older. My body is still physically strong but it doesn't quite bounce back as resiliently as it used to. When I run any distance now, I feel it for days. And it's not a satisfying soreness that makes me feel proud, like it used to. It's a "man I feel older than my 43 years today" kind of pain. 

Also, I am just in a place mentally and emotionally now where running no longer helps me feel good - instead I enjoy taking 2-3 mile walks every day while I listen to podcasts. That's kind of my jam. And I have been on a hiatus from yoga for a few months, but that activity also offers me the time and space I need to feel well physically and mentally - more so than running does now.

In short, running just isn't doing it for me anymore. I love the glory of completing a difficult race (and let's face it, they were all difficult for the most part), but not enough to keep going.

Back to my earlier statement about letting go of what no longer suits me...I know it's time to let go of running. I asked myself today if I might run the Falmouth Road Race this year and then officially retire from running after crossing that finish line, but I struggled to even complete a mile this morning during my run; the very thought of running 7 miles feels as daunting as a full marathon now. 

My head and heart are just not in it.

If I were running on behalf of a charity, I would absolutely plan to do the race in August (even if it meant walking it), but since the only person counting on me to do that race is, well, me, I am okay with rescinding my decision to run that race. Because who really benefits from me pushing myself to do something I really don't want to do?

So my retirement from running officially begins today.

I wanted to write about this today not to explain my complicated relationship with running or to justify why I am not going to do it anymore, but instead to shine a light on how important it is for us all to listen to our hearts, minds, and bodies. It can be tough to know when to stick to something even when you're struggling and when to let go and step away altogether. My advice is this: don't ever shy away from a challenge, but also, don't stay too long at the party either.

You've got to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em. Always do what's right for you (only you know what that is), and stay healthy, my friends. 💕

Me & All of the Many Medals I Earned
During My Illustrious Running Days

My Toxic Relationship with Facebook - Part 3 - Conclusion & Final Thoughts

It has now been a little over 2 months since I last went onto Facebook. Let's pause for a moment to celebrate that:

I'm pretty happy not being on there now. And I find a weird satisfaction with telling people that I am "taking a break from Facebook". Every time I say this to someone, they almost always nod and say something along the lines of, "I understand" - and what's happening more and more are the number of people who have shared with me that they too are off of Facebook, either temporarily or permanently.

A lot of my feelings about social media have changed since I started this break from Facebook in early January. I no longer feel like it is a lifeline to friends and family and I feel like I have forged my own lifelines to those I am closest with. Stepping off of Facebook didn't isolate me like I originally worried that it would, it actually made me feel more connected. I also no longer feel a burden to share so much of my life with people I am not very close with. 

Facebook was always a double-edged sword for me: a non-stop connection to friends, family, acquaintances, and co-workers that made me think I was being seen and heard (even when I really wasn't), but it was also a big heavy weight of guilt and obligation laid upon me with every scroll, with every "like" I gave someone, & with every comment I shared on someone else's post - I felt like I had to give my time and energy to Facebook, and as a result I gave too much.

Will I ever go back to Facebook? I don't know. For now I am content being removed from that environment. It feels right to continue this extended break. I guess I will keep at it until my feelings change (if they should change).

Before I end this 3-part series, let me leave you with a few last musings (sort of like when Jerry Springer would end his circus of a show with his "meaningful" Final Thought segment):

• If something, anything, feels like it is taking up too much space in your life, don't be afraid to set it aside and take a break from it to see how you feel.
• It's never too late to start over. And there is no shame in starting over.
• Change is hard but you don't need to continue doing something just because that's what you have always done...don't be afraid to take a chance on a new adventure!
• If the phrase "there's got to be a better way" always seems to pop up, that means there probably IS a better way. Work on finding what it is.
• You are responsible for your own happiness; if you are not happy in your life, your job, or on social media, you have the power to make a change, don't wait for an outside force to fix it for you. This quote is one of my favorites: "Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing."
• And never forget - what your friends and family are posting on social media is not real - it's their highlight reel...don't compare your life to what you see on your feed.

Hey, spring is almost here...let's all get outside and enjoy the fresh air. If you are fully vaccinated, start making some plans to visit with other vaccinated people soon so we can all start feeling normal again. Of course please keep wearing masks and washing hands, let's keep protecting those who need protection. And most importantly, get off of your phone and enjoy the day! 💗

My Toxic Relationship with Facebook - Part 2 - The Magic of Habit Replacement

I am pleased to report that I am now 6 weeks off of Facebook. 

I will admit that the first 3 weeks did not sail by quickly. I actually felt a little deprived for those first few weeks. But I pushed through it and decided to just try to get to one full month before giving in and logging back onto Facebook. I wanted to see how I'd feel after an entire month Facebook-free.

But a funny thing happened, after I hit week 4, I stopped thinking about it completely. I think the psychological reason behind it has to do with replacing the physical habit of being on Facebook with other habits (I used to log onto Facebook every morning as part of my daily routine and when I decided to stop doing that, I instead started catching up on news and emails during that time). And habit replacement works. 

It doesn't necessarily happen instantly, but it definitely works if you give it time and consistency. So this explains why for the first couple of weeks I still felt like I should be logging onto Facebook each morning even though I had consciously decided not to do that and started doing other things instead. But I just kept replacing the habit, every single day, and ignored the voice in my head saying, "but you're missing out on Facebook..." And sure enough, with enough repetition and consistency, I eventually stopped feeling preoccupied by my desire to log onto Facebook and the new habits became my new normal.

I used to have an alcoholic drink at the end of the work day on most days. I was not an everyday drinker but towards the end of my relationship with alcohol, I was definitely drinking more often than I did 5 or 10 years ago. I started slowly creeping towards having a drink every day, and I did not feel like that was a good path to be on. But this started happening because it was starting to become a habit for me. 

Picture it: work day ends, I feel tired and/or stressed, and I crave a drink to "relax" because I have been conditioned to believe alcohol will soothe me when I am feeling wound up (and I have also gotten in the habit of believing alcohol is a reward for doing adult-y things like working hard and raising kids). So I have one, even though I don't normally drink during the week. Why not, I deserve it, right? Then I repeat that routine again the next week because I have another hard day at the office. And it keeps happening, slowly, over long stretches of time, for several months or years, and before you know it, you've got a bad habit of of having a drink after work each day.

When I decided to stop drinking I was not physically addicted to alcohol but I definitely had a habit of relying on alcohol and impulsively giving in if I "craved" a drink to relax, relieve boredom, or deal with something sad. The way I got past that habit was the same way I got into it - slowly, over long stretches of time, by deliberately replacing the "bad" habit with a better (healthier) one.

I had to find new ways to relax that didn't involve alcohol. It felt hard at first, but over time it got easier. Some habits are tougher than others to break. And breaking habits like this isn't always linear. Sometimes you "relapse" and revert back to old habits when something stressful happens and that's okay. It doesn't mean you haven't learned something or changed your behavior - it just means you are human. 

Facebook used to be a fun way for me to relax. When I first got on Facebook I enjoyed scrolling and zoning out; I used it to take my mind off of real life for a few minutes each day. And much like when I used to drink, being on Facebook was fun and relaxing - until one day it wasn't. Because just like my former drinking habit, it went from being a once in a while casual activity to being more like a compulsive habit. 

I'm really happy that I am at 42 days Facebook-free and that more importantly, I don't feel like I miss the habit anymore. But I'm not out of the woods with this Facebook addiction, I think I need more time away from it to get even more clarity (and to figure out if I ever want to go back to it). 

I am getting close to forming a new normal as a person who doesn't log onto Facebook. I know people who have never had a Facebook account. And I know people who had a Facebook account years ago but abandoned the site without looking back. These people all report having very fulfilling relationships without having to rely on social media connections and interactions. 

I think I want to be one of those people.

Hey, there was a time when I could not picture being a non-drinker, I didn't even think it was feasible. And here I am.

Anything is possible, my friends.

My next goal is to reach 2 months of being off of Facebook and to check in with how I feel then. Will I want to go back? Or will I be ready to deactivate my account for good?

Stay tuned for Part 3, coming in 2 weeks! 😀

For now, I will leave you with this food for thought...

My Toxic Relationship with Facebook - Part 1 - Addiction Takes Many Forms

As of today, it has been 3 weeks since I last logged onto Facebook.

About a month ago I started to think Facebook was becoming a problem. Much like when I started wondering if I had a problem with alcohol, I recently started wondering if I had a problem with social media, too. 

So, what made me wonder this?

Well, like alcohol, Facebook was starting to become a toxic habit for me. I was tapping onto Facebook multiple times a day, mostly in a mindless way, and I didn't even like it. I'd sit on Facebook, scrolling and scrolling, waiting to feel good about what I was seeing, all the while hating it. But I kept doing it. 

To be clear, I am not hating on the people I follow on Facebook. If I am following you on Facebook, I like seeing what you're up to. And that's actually the main reason I joined Facebook in the first place back in 2009 - to stay connected to those I care about. But the Facebook that exists today doesn't feel like the Facebook I joined all those years ago. My feed is full of advertisements now. And instead of seeing posts from everyone I follow, I tend to see posts of the same 10 people and groups over and over again. And no offense to those same 10 people and groups, but that's not exactly what I am looking for when I go onto social media. I have tried playing with my settings to see more variety on my feed, but it seems that the Facebook algorithm always decides what I should see.

Regardless of why I was no longer enjoying Facebook (my reasons are my reasons and I don't have to justify them), the bigger issue was that I was still using Facebook regularly even though I wasn't enjoying it. That is the part that I find toxic. 

The same was true back in early 2018 when I started asking myself if alcohol was becoming a problem for me. I continued to consume it regularly even though it no longer tasted good or felt good inside my body. I had more reasons to quit than to continue using, yet it would take me several months before I decided to actually stop. And that my friends, is addiction: long after your drug of choice has stopped providing a benefit to you, you continue to use it - for some addicts there's the actual physical addiction, but for many (like me) there's a big emotional addiction that influences you. And when you have been doing something for a long enough period of time, it starts to become who you are, it feels embedded in your personality...and that is a really tough habit to break. 

Essentially what kept me drinking is the same thing that kept me from logging off of Facebook - fear. Fear of boredom. Fear of disconnecting from others. Fear of not doing what everyone else was doing (sticking out in the crowd). Fear of change. Fear of missing out.

That last one hits home. The infamous FOMO. This was probably my biggest fear of all when I quit drinking. What if everyone goes out and has fun without me? I'll miss out on all the private jokes and crazy antics. What then?

Like alcohol, Facebook was simply filling a void, and giving me a false sense of connection and love. I was afraid of giving up these vices because without them, without the jokes and the antics, without seeing what everyone is up to all the time, then who am I? 

Fear of being alone.

I used to get a lot of my news from Facebook. If a celebrity died or some big world event happened, more often than not I found out on Facebook. Also, people I am friends with usually announce big things about themselves on Facebook, like pregnancies, engagements, and upcoming nuptials. And Facebook was a place to commiserate or celebrate all of this important news. 

A month ago I asked myself what I was most afraid of if I gave up Facebook. And the answer I was able to come up with was that I was afraid of being left out of the loop. This was the one reason I didn't want to give up Facebook. It was the one thing stopping me from taking a break from something that was creating a lot of distress in my life.

So I really thought about this fear I had and I asked myself a serious 3-part follow-up question, "Are you really THAT 'in the loop' right now being on Facebook? Do you REALLY know what's going on with your friends and family by being on there? Is it ACTUALLY making you feel close to the people in your life?" 

And the answer is - no. 

Facebook isn't really keeping me connected and informed. It's mostly trying to sell me junk and get me to join random groups (as a method of keeping me logged on so I can - yes, you guessed it - see more ads and potentially buy a bunch of junk).

And then I remembered an important realization I had back in 2018 when I was considering going alcohol-free: the simple fact that I am asking myself if there is a problem and if I need to abandon this bad habit is evidence that there IS in fact a problem and I DO need to abandon this bad habit. 

Because the truth is, people who don't think they have a drinking problem aren't going to Google "Am I an alcoholic?" If you are asking yourself a question like that, then you probably already know the answer.

And so I decided to take a break from Facebook. Not sure how long the break will last, I am starting with a month and then will see from there how I feel (just like I did when I first stopped drinking). 

I also provided myself with a solution to my worry about losing connections with people - I could make a better effort to reach out via phone/text/email/messenger to people in my life to see how they are doing. It doesn't have to literally be me asking "how are you doing?" (although that is perfectly acceptable), it can be by sharing a funny meme or gif when I see something that reminds me of someone. A simple DM, email, or text letting someone know you are thinking of them is a great way to stay connected, and a lot more personal than posting on your Facebook feed. Also, I am still actively using Instagram, so I can still see photos of people and know what they are up to (and share photos of my own), even if it's on a much smaller scale (I don't have as many friends on Insta as I do on Facebook).

Oh and I am pretty well "in the know" with ongoing world events these days, as I receive regular news alerts on my phone from the NY Times and the Wall Street Journal - not a single crisis or headline happens without me being notified. Such is the life of a person living during a pandemic in the 21st century, you can't escape the news even if you wanted to. And I receive email alerts from People Magazine for all of my celebrity gossip, so there's no chance of me missing a big news story while I am off of Facebook. 😊

You may be wondering if I am for real with this whole thing. Do I seriously think I had an "addiction" to Facebook? Was it seriously a dilemma for me to have to take time away from it?

Yeah, I am for real and yes it was a challenge for me to change this behavior, as weird as it sounds.

Maybe Facebook isn't an issue for you. Maybe you find it boring or just simply don't get the appeal. Maybe you're one of those people who has never used it. I have never liked using Twitter and I am pretty sure I haven't logged on in more than a year, so I totally get it, to each her own. But ask yourself this: have you ever had a habit that no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't seem to kick it? Any habit. Think hard, because if you're human, you likely have at least one vice that has you in its grip. Probably more than one.

Coffee? Soda? Chocolate? Weed? Cigarettes? Porn? Shopping? Something more serious? Something less serious? 

Regardless of what it is, you've probably found 30 different ways to rationalize the behavior - or maybe you're like me and you have gotten to the point where the behavior now makes you unhappy but you somehow keep finding yourself doing it anyway. Hey, it happens. No judgement from me. I have clearly been there and done that.

Whatever the habit may be, whether it's a big one or a really small one (like my issue with Facebook), if it's causing any unhappiness in your life, then it's worth considering making a change. And it's completely possible to do so, if you're willing to be uncomfortable - and if you're willing to make some mistakes along the way.

Mistakes are all part of the learning, my friend.

When I decided to stop drinking, I didn't wake up one day and make that decision and live happily ever after as a sober person. There was a lot of trial and error. I abstained for long periods of time, then went back to drinking to test myself and see how I felt, then I'd go back to sobriety again. It went on like that for 2 years. There were moments of denial, moments of rationalization, moments of confusion, and then finally, moments of getting completely real with myself and my habits. Asking myself some really tough questions and answering them honestly.  

Clarity. 

And I was able to find that clarity by taking time away from the habit that had me in its grip. The more time I spent not drinking, the more clear I got on how emotionally addicted I was to doing it. 

Sure, being addicted to Facebook isn't like being addicted to alcohol or drugs. It probably won't physically harm me and in the grand scheme of things, it's probably not that big of a deal. But it did not sit well with me that I was repeatedly doing something that made me unhappy, it reminded me too much of the days leading up to when I decided to stop drinking. I recognized the unhealthy path I was on and decided to take some time to figure it all out. 

And life is too damn short to be doing things that make you feel like crap. Right?!

I'll check back in again in a few weeks and let you know if I am still off of Facebook and how it's all going. For now I am remaining logged off - one day at a time.