I am pleased to report that I am now 6 weeks off of Facebook.
I will admit that the first 3 weeks did not sail by quickly. I actually felt a little deprived for those first few weeks. But I pushed through it and decided to just try to get to one full month before giving in and logging back onto Facebook. I wanted to see how I'd feel after an entire month Facebook-free.
But a funny thing happened, after I hit week 4, I stopped thinking about it completely. I think the psychological reason behind it has to do with replacing the physical habit of being on Facebook with other habits (I used to log onto Facebook every morning as part of my daily routine and when I decided to stop doing that, I instead started catching up on news and emails during that time). And habit replacement works.
It doesn't necessarily happen instantly, but it definitely works if you give it time and consistency. So this explains why for the first couple of weeks I still felt like I should be logging onto Facebook each morning even though I had consciously decided not to do that and started doing other things instead. But I just kept replacing the habit, every single day, and ignored the voice in my head saying, "but you're missing out on Facebook..." And sure enough, with enough repetition and consistency, I eventually stopped feeling preoccupied by my desire to log onto Facebook and the new habits became my new normal.
I used to have an alcoholic drink at the end of the work day on most days. I was not an everyday drinker but towards the end of my relationship with alcohol, I was definitely drinking more often than I did 5 or 10 years ago. I started slowly creeping towards having a drink every day, and I did not feel like that was a good path to be on. But this started happening because it was starting to become a habit for me.
Picture it: work day ends, I feel tired and/or stressed, and I crave a drink to "relax" because I have been conditioned to believe alcohol will soothe me when I am feeling wound up (and I have also gotten in the habit of believing alcohol is a reward for doing adult-y things like working hard and raising kids). So I have one, even though I don't normally drink during the week. Why not, I deserve it, right? Then I repeat that routine again the next week because I have another hard day at the office. And it keeps happening, slowly, over long stretches of time, for several months or years, and before you know it, you've got a bad habit of of having a drink after work each day.
When I decided to stop drinking I was not physically addicted to alcohol but I definitely had a habit of relying on alcohol and impulsively giving in if I "craved" a drink to relax, relieve boredom, or deal with something sad. The way I got past that habit was the same way I got into it - slowly, over long stretches of time, by deliberately replacing the "bad" habit with a better (healthier) one.
I had to find new ways to relax that didn't involve alcohol. It felt hard at first, but over time it got easier. Some habits are tougher than others to break. And breaking habits like this isn't always linear. Sometimes you "relapse" and revert back to old habits when something stressful happens and that's okay. It doesn't mean you haven't learned something or changed your behavior - it just means you are human.
Facebook used to be a fun way for me to relax. When I first got on Facebook I enjoyed scrolling and zoning out; I used it to take my mind off of real life for a few minutes each day. And much like when I used to drink, being on Facebook was fun and relaxing - until one day it wasn't. Because just like my former drinking habit, it went from being a once in a while casual activity to being more like a compulsive habit.
I'm really happy that I am at 42 days Facebook-free and that more importantly, I don't feel like I miss the habit anymore. But I'm not out of the woods with this Facebook addiction, I think I need more time away from it to get even more clarity (and to figure out if I ever want to go back to it).
I am getting close to forming a new normal as a person who doesn't log onto Facebook. I know people who have never had a Facebook account. And I know people who had a Facebook account years ago but abandoned the site without looking back. These people all report having very fulfilling relationships without having to rely on social media connections and interactions.
I think I want to be one of those people.
Hey, there was a time when I could not picture being a non-drinker, I didn't even think it was feasible. And here I am.
Anything is possible, my friends.
My next goal is to reach 2 months of being off of Facebook and to check in with how I feel then. Will I want to go back? Or will I be ready to deactivate my account for good?
Stay tuned for Part 3, coming in 2 weeks! 😀
For now, I will leave you with this food for thought...
