Let's all be honest: it's been a very long 2 years.
In March 2020, the world shut down due to COVID, and for most people, "normal life" came to a screeching halt.
It was weird. And scary. And super confusing. I don't need to tell you, you were there.
Everyone handled it differently - for me, something inside shifted. Already an anxious person, our "new normal" that began in 2020 had a profound effect on me. I sheltered in place, and really haven't stopped doing so since then. Sure, I get out a little. I go into the office when I need to. I can do what needs to be done and I'd say for the most part, I am functioning okay, but mentally I have not come close to returning to my "old normal".
Let's put it this way: I can count on one hand how many social engagements I have attended/how many times I have gone out to be with people outside of my household/immediate family in the last year.
Yeah, that's real.
At the end of 2021 I came to the realization that this is not very healthy for me. While it's obviously important to be careful when COVID numbers are high and reduce risk outside of your household, what's going on with me runs a lot deeper than that. My mental health has been greatly impacted by the pandemic. I barely leave my house these days; if I get in my car twice a week, that's a lot. The world has always been a scary place, but the pandemic brought me to a new level of anxiety that is sometimes hard to articulate. What it comes down to is that I feel safer in my home, with my immediate family, than I do anywhere else.
While that's understandable (and believe me when I say my family has been more than understanding), it's not healthy. I need to do better for myself.
As last year came to a close, I made a pact with myself to be healthier in 2022. Not the whole "new year, new me" BS we always see in the media, but a more mindful, honest effort to take care of my physical health, as well as my mental health. And so I sent in a fundraising application to the Dana Farber Cancer Institute with the hopes of getting the opportunity to help them raise money for cancer research, and to support the cause by running the 126th Boston Marathon in April.
Uh, THAT escalated quickly.
Yup, sure did. As you may recall, in July of 2021 I announced to the world that I was retiring from running. But within a couple of months from that sweeping declaration, I was back to running again. Because, as it turns out, running eases my pain. It helps my anxiety. It gives me peace. And it gives me something to strive for.
Running makes me feel alive.
Shortly after submitting my application to Dana Farber for a spot in the marathon in 2022, I had to have a biopsy done for a cyst that was discovered during a routine mammogram. Naturally I was terrified throughout the entire ordeal. I promised myself that if the cyst was benign, and I was offered a spot with the Dana Farber marathon team, I would accept it. And if the cyst was cancerous, I would face it head-on and show no mercy. I was scared, but determined. Either way, I had a plan.
Shortly after my biopsy I received the thrilling news from my doctor that the cyst in my right breast was benign, and then a week later I received more thrilling news from Dana Farber that I was accepted on their fundraising/marathon team.
Holy crap. I am raising money for cancer research and running the flipping Boston Marathon!? Can I even do this?
Believe me when I say that I keep asking myself that question, over and over again.
Not long after I was offered the chance to join Dana Farber's marathon team, I saw this quote online:
And I remembered why I originally applied to join the marathon team in the first place: I wanted to care about something again. I wanted to focus on something important that was non-COVID-related. I wanted to push myself a little outside my comfort zone so I could feel alive again. I wanted to be part of something that was bigger than me.
I wanted to take back my mental health by doing good for others, and for me.
Sure, fundraising several thousands of dollars, marathon training, and running the marathon itself are all pretty scary. But you know what's scarier? Facing a cancer diagnosis - people do that every single day. It's also scarier to be so mentally unwell that nothing feels like it matters anymore; being numb and depressed at the same time is downright scary, I know this firsthand. Not having the drive to leave your house is scary. The last 2 years have been scary.
So I said yes to Dana Farber. I said yes to helping fight cancer. And I said yes to taking back my life.
If you'd like to help support me in this journey, please visit my fundraising page or contact me directly at harrisfp@gmail.com for more info.
You'll be hearing more from me on all of this soon. 😀Thank you in advance for your support!
