Learning to be Present In Running, and In Life

When I first started training for half marathons and marathons a couple of years ago, I would often hear seasoned runners refer to the treadmill as the "dreadmill". It's common knowledge among runners that having to spend any time on that hamster wheel-like contraption is just downright awful. I never got that...until now.

I actually used to love running on the treadmill. I liked that I could set my desired speed and length of time and that was that. My body was then obligated adhere to the running parameters I set forth and doing so gave me discipline - and a sense of satisfaction when I finished my run. I also liked to watch TV while I ran, and being on a treadmill allowed me to do that. Running on the treadmill made it easy for me to tune out the fact that I was...running.

Huh. Now why would I choose to do something (train for a marathon, run a 5K, etc.) and not want to acknowledge I was doing it?

When I first started running, my goal was to train hard and finish races. Running can be difficult, even the most awesome runners in the world would probably agree with me on that, and that's okay - nothing worth having ever came easily, running should be hard. But when I first dove into the world of running, I wanted to block out the pain and just get to the end...the end of the road, the end of my training, or the end of my race. I set out with the finish line in mind and that was it. So naturally the treadmill was the perfect place for me because while on it I could watch TV or blare music through my headphones, set a certain speed and incline, and just power through the run. I could tune out the pain of it all.

The NYC marathon changed all of that for me. That was the first race I ever did where I didn't want to ignore my surroundings and power through to the end. I wanted to experience the course, to see the people, to observe the city, and yes, to feel all the pain of the 26.2 mile race. Once I made up my mind that I would run for most of that marathon without music or an annoying GPS tracker yapping in my ear, my entire outlook on running changed. Running went from being something I was just trying to get through, to being a full sensory experience. And let me tell you - this made all the difference with long distance races.

Last weekend I completed a 12-mile run as part of my training for my next marathon (taking place one month from today, in fact). I went to the local rail trail and spent about 3 hours running up and down the trail, and I did so without any headphones on. I literally spent 3 hours running and looking at the trees, listening to nature, and saying hello to other people I saw on the trail along the way. When I first decided to do this I worried I might be bored. After all, running is difficult and silence is boring - how would I ever be able to do both at the same time?!

Turns out that even though running is difficult, it can be done without noisy distractions. I no longer need or even want a TV show on Netflix or a playlist on Spotify to get me through my long runs anymore because I don't want to zone out. Zoning out means I would miss so much. It's like driving to work and then realizing upon arrival that you have no recollection of how you got there. I want to be present for the experience. Not everyone gets to run a full marathon and who knows, this might be my last time doing it. I should take advantage of the experience and allow myself to really feel it, even when it hurts. And also, silence isn't boring. Listening to your breath as you move, hearing the sounds of the wind, the water, the trees, and the animals around you is actually pretty amazing. I didn't realize how much activity goes on around you when you run on a trail. I used to tune it all out before and I missed all of the amazing things around me.

So now I really despise running on the treadmill. Staring ahead at a TV or at the person on the treadmill in front of me is so boring. When I am forced to run at the gym it makes me long for the roads, the fresh air, the sunshine, the birds and the squirrels, and the variety in elevation and speed. The treadmill is like a jail - running outside is total freedom.

Running really is a great metaphor for life. The way I see it, I have a choice: I can rush through with just the end in mind, blast music, and tune out the experience to avoid feeling pain - or I can look, listen, and feel, and be completely present every step of the way, even on the worst days. At this juncture in my life I choose the latter. I spent 40 years trying to rush past things just to get to whatever the next thing was, all the while totally missing what was right in front of me. Those 40 years went so fast, and who knows how much I missed during that time while I was busy tuning out the difficult or painful stuff or worrying about what was ahead. So for the next 40 years I am learning to be present, to truly feel things in life, and to stop zoning out whenever I can. Oh and I will avoid the "dreadmill" as much as I can. Because seriously, it's so boring!