The First 100 Days

I recently completed a Gallup Strengths Finder workshop at work. For those who don’t know, Strengths Finder is a psychological assessment to help you determine the types of things you are best at. My Strengths Finder assessment revealed that one of the things I am really good at is problem-solving. When I first read my report, I laughed and thought, “Well that’s just not true, I hate problems and trying to fix them”. I always thought of myself as a person who avoids trouble, not a person who faces trouble head-on. But when I dug a little deeper into this particular strength in my report, and examined both my personal and professional life, I realized the results of my assessment were actually true – I thrive when it comes to problem-solving.

It’s funny how we sometimes see ourselves differently than how we really are. Or we see ourselves as how we once were when we were younger or less experienced.

I always considered myself to be a timid, self-conscious person who avoided hard tasks. I used to joke that “the path of least resistance [was] my favorite path”. And maybe at one point in my life I was that person. But I am not that person anymore. I recently got a promotion at work and it was not luck or pity that got me that promotion – it was hard work and determination that got me there. My manager knows I am good at problem-solving and that I don’t shy away from difficult tasks. I am a person who faces challenges head-on and preservers to get results. To put it more crudely, I get shit done. People at work can see this is who I am, yet it took a psychological assessment for me to finally see my own strengths.

Today I am celebrating 100 days being alcohol-free. At the beginning of this year I set some personal health goals for 2018 and one of them was to reduce my alcohol intake. I even blogged about it a few times. During the first half of the year I made a few half-hearted attempts at this goal, but never really put my full energy into it. I had the desire to make a change but not the drive. Then in early August I decided to really do this thing. I wanted to see what it would be like to live my life as a non-drinker. I wasn’t feeling my healthiest as a drinker, so in my mind, I had nothing to lose by trying life as a non-drinker.

No more excuses!

Initially I set a goal to remain alcohol-free for 30 days. Once I reached 30 days I set my next goal to keep staying alcohol free until I reached 60 days. At 60 days I said, “Might as well go for 100 since I am more than halfway there!” And here I am.

A funny thing happened after 30 days of living life as a non-drinker – my habits started to change organically. Instead of reaching for a bottle of wine or a beer after a hard day at the office, I spent more time with my family, or read a book, or relaxed with a cup of tea and a movie on Netflix. I started living life in the present, paying attention to conversations at parties, engaging with friends and family in a real way. I also found that things I once thought were very stressful or frustrating really weren’t. I started to see life as a gift, even on the bad days. Honestly, I never thought I could feel this good all the time. I used to think people who said they were happy were lying. Now I am one of those people.

Amazing changes started to happen to my health, too: I have not had to take any of my “as needed” anti-anxiety medication since I stopped drinking. I have not had any panic attacks in the last 3+ months and I genuinely feel happy and grateful all the time. I always knew alcohol was a depressant, but some part of me didn’t really believe it was really harming my mental health. I always told myself I needed a drink to relax or to feel better about stuff, but as it turns out, alcohol was just making things seem murky and more stressful than they really are. I also used to be so tired all the time, now I feel energized and alive. My acid reflux has also greatly improved – I take prescription medication for it and still need to (for now), but I no longer have break-through heartburn like I used to. I am currently working with my gastroenterologist in trying to reduce my meds and hopefully eventually get off of them altogether – if you asked me 2 years ago if I thought I’d ever even consider trying that, I would have laughed in your face.

So how does one continue to have a social life as a non-drinker? This was one of my biggest questions I kept asking when I considered ending my relationship with booze. As it turns out, it’s not that hard. You’re still you, just a sober you, which is actually the best version of you there is. Yes, there may be some alcohol-centric activities you may not be that interested in anymore, but being out with friends and enjoying life is still an option. Life does not end if you stop drinking. Life actually gets better. For real. In fact, I’d argue that I am having more fun now than I was when I was drinking. I consciously choose social activities I know I will enjoy instead of just going along with whatever everyone else is doing. Because you are sober and truly present, being alcohol-free sort of forces you to start figuring out who you really are and what stuff you really like. If you’re bored at a party, there isn’t a glass of whiskey to dull that boredom. If you are at a concert and hate the band, you are going to hear every note they play and remember it the next day, because there isn’t a bottle of wine or tall cups of over-priced beer to blur it all out. So you better be sure when you agree to go to that party or spend money on those concert tickets that you really want to be there. It really makes you think before you do anything.

So you can be sure that if I am out and doing something now, I truly want to be there, and I am soaking in every last bit of the experience.

At first this concept frightened me – you mean, I have to hear, see, think, and feel everything?! How am I going to get through life?! Being present can be a scary idea for some people. Especially people like me who overthink everything. Facing who we are can be hard. But in this journey, I have found that I really like who I am. And I have found that I can handle stressful situations really well. As it turns out, I am a problem-solver who thrives on facing the tough stuff head-on. I don’t need to have a stiff drink at the end of a hard day, all that would do is numb my mind and dull my senses. I have found that I like being sharp, it helps me stay focused and it also helps me really enjoy life. Because when you numb out the bad things with alcohol, you also numb out all the good things too. Have you ever gone to a concert and didn’t remember some or all of it the next day? Or a party? Or a holiday dinner? Yeah, me too. I want to remember everything now. No more numbing out bad or good feelings – it’s time to feel all the feelings. All of them.

I am going to continue on my alcohol-free journey, my next goal is to achieve 6 months. I currently feel the most physically and mentally healthy that I have ever felt in my life, so remaining alcohol-free is a kind of a no-brainer for me right now. I am proud of myself for giving this a chance and seeing it through. I guess my Strengths Finder assessment results were accurate after all. J