Personal Reflections on 2020

I just realized there are only 10 days left of this year. 

What?! 

2020 has simultaneously been both the shortest and longest year ever. 

• Weeks and months have blended together and many days often seem like "Groundhog Day", repeating the same stuff over and over with little to no change. 
• Working from home provides very little socialization and variety in my life (never realized how much I relied on work to socialize with other human beings before!). 
• It's strange to think I have only been physically in my office building 5 times since March 12th. 
• I can barely remember anything that happened this year before March; January and February 2020 feel like they were a lifetime ago.
• And my poor kids have learned all too young what it feels like to sit in front of a computer screen for 6 or more hours a day (I had hoped they wouldn't know what that felt like until they were well into adulthood and needed to do it for a salary to pay their mortgage/rent and put food on the table).

With this year coming to an end quickly (but not quick enough, amiright?), I wanted to reflect on a few things. Because as hideous as much of this year was, for me personally there was a lot of growth and healing. There were many sad moments, scary realizations, uncomfortable situations, and downright weird scenarios - but I feel like I gained more than I lost, even when things felt really bleak. So even though this year was badder than bad, I am still walking away from it (maybe limping away from it is a better phrase) feeling gratitude and strength. 

Yes, it's true, I have become one of those annoying people who finds the silver lining in every cloud. Sorry for that - no wallowing here. I'm at a point now where I refuse to hear terrible news and not immediately search out the lesson, blessing, or tiny bright spot of hope, no matter how teeny tiny it may be. I have found that a silent prayer, a few deep breaths in the still of the morning, or a quick pause to quietly think of 3 things I am grateful for in the moment helps me cope with the tsunami of crazy that has been hitting us all nonstop this year. 

This is what has helped keep me sane in 2020. Hope. Love. Prayers. Gratitude.

And did I mention hope? Yes, lots of it. Hope for better times. Hope for health and happiness. Hope.

Below are some of my personal reflections on 2020. Thank you for taking the time to read this and other stuff I have written over the past year. I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, a very Happy New Year, and health, peace, and love in 2021. I feel that good things are coming to all of us very soon. 💕

Feel free to share some of your own reflections with me, I'd love to hear them.

Things I have gotten used to in the last 9+ months (that would have been weird before this year):

• Having a collection of reusable cloth face masks of various patterns and styles
• My family having a "mask rack" by our front door next to our keys
• Not leaving the house without hand sanitizer/always keeping a bottle handy in my purse and in my car
• Running out of hand sanitizer (before this year I don't think I ever finished a bottle before it expired)
• Not being able to buy toilet paper, paper towels, tissues, or napkins for weeks at a time - this was especially true at the beginning of the pandemic and it still seems to happen every few weeks or so, the stores seem to sell out of all paper goods and it can take weeks for them to restock - it's also impossible to get Clorox wipes or any Lysol products, too 
• Having my temperature taken at work, at the dentist, at the blood donation center, at my son's Scout meeting, and at the eye doctor 
• Only being able to enter and exit from one door at my local grocery store (so they can safely and accurately monitor how many customers have entered and exited in order to not exceed a certain number)
• When food shopping, hearing the store announce over the loud speaker how many people are currently inside the building
• Watching the governor give a press conference on a weekly basis (sometimes more frequently depending on what's going on)
• Seeing people walk down the street, in a parking lot, in a store, or really anywhere with a mask and/or face shield on
• Saying to my kids as they head out the door to school, "Don't forget your mask!" or asking my husband as he heads to work if he has a mask with him
• Packing extra paper /disposable masks when we go anywhere, just in case we misplace one of our own or someone we know forgets to bring one
• Stickers on the floors of stores and doctors offices telling you where to stand to remain 6 feet apart from others
• Getting notifications from my kids' schools that their schedule is changing yet again (it changes nearly every week now)
• Going for a run with a mask on

Things I will never get used to:

• People who blatantly dismiss scientists and doctors just because the information they are hearing doesn't align with their wants, needs, or personal/political agendas
• People who confuse basic human rights with politics
• Having to ask people what their stance is on wearing masks and quarantining before deciding if it's safe to see them in person, even when the gathering is outside (spread apart) with masks on
• Having to say no to invitations for in-person events because I feel unsafe or feel my family may be at risk
• Worrying about my parents and all friends and relatives who are older and/or have pre-existing medical conditions that could put them at a higher risk with COVID-19
• Wondering if I made the right decision with allowing my kids to go to school in-person 2 days a week
• Not hugging and kissing extended family in the rare times I have actually seen them in person this year
• Only seeing my friends on Zoom or through Facebook/Instagram photos
• Having to tell my kids yet another thing has been cancelled (traditional/annual family get-togethers, holiday gatherings, trick or treating, etc.) - breaks my heart every time
• Receiving a notification that someone in my family has had close contact with a COVID-positive person
• Taking my kids to have a COVID test (each child had to have a test this year for different reasons at different times, both tests came back negative); it's a very stressful and scary process for them and for me
• Hearing another local business (store, restaurant, etc.) has had to close their doors permanently due to the financial strain during the pandemic

And finally, some good things that happened this year (in no particular order):

• "The Great Conjunction" - Saturn and Jupiter nearly overlapping to form the "Christmas Star" image in our sky on the winter solstice (happening tonight!)
• A vaccine was created and approved for distribution for COVID-19 in under a year - this one still blows my mind - science, man!
• Even though I somehow came in contact with COVID-19 earlier this year, I remained asymptomatic and did not pass it on to any of my family members in my home
• Because I have COVID antibodies, I have been able to donate convalescent plasma to COVID patients multiple times this year to help them recover
• I was put on a 12-week temporary furlough at work in early April, which gave me time and space to get my head together during the height of the first wave of the pandemic and it also gave me the opportunity to fully be there for my kids as they began navigating remote learning for the first time
• I lived at the beach for about a month this summer and it provided me a great deal of quiet and healing that I really really needed
• For a couple of months this year I tried to find peace inside of a beer bottle (many of them, in fact) and instead I found I didn't want or need alcohol in my life anymore; and so May 31st was the last day I had a drink - and I have felt amazing (both physically and mentally) ever since
• I completed a virtual half marathon (along the Cape Cod Canal) and a virtual full marathon (in my hometown); both were quite challenging but extremely rewarding
• I officially joined the church I have been attending for the last 2 years and was given a very warm welcome by the congregation with a special ceremony (before the pandemic began)
• My church hired its first ever female pastor, who will begin leading our congregation in January 2021!
• Even though we sometimes drove each other nuts, being home all the time made it possible for my family to spend more quality time together making meals, watching movies, playing games, and having conversations
• I made my first ever Thanksgiving meal!
• Our family finally got a treadmill and now have ourselves a little home gym so we can get exercise right at home
• Our country elected its first ever female Vice President!!!
• My town has really come together in ways it never did before - decorating our homes for each holiday to brighten each other's spirits, reminding one another on Facebook to support our local restaurants by ordering take out, purchasing curbside popcorn and candy from our local theater this past spring, summer, and fall to help them out financially while they are closed, and continuing to donate non-perishable foods to our local food bank to help families who need it...the list goes on and on, it truly warms my heart to live here.
• After quarantining ourselves and ensuring all precautions for safety, my bff Jessica and I got to spend a weekend together down the Cape in September watching movies, making food, and hanging out at the beach (she is literally the only non-relative friend I have seen in person since the end of February)
• And lastly, we can't forget this: the US safely launched astronauts to the International Space Station on a US-made rocket. The reusable booster did its job and then returned safely, too.