Hope Springs Eternal

Let me be real for a minute -

Marathon training can be pretty brutal. It's an emotional journey to say the least. Some days I feel amazing, other days I wonder why I decided to do this at all. Lots of things have an impact on my training days - weather, how well I ate the day before, how stressed I am about work (or anything else), my hydration, my attitude before I start my workout, and my emotional state are just a few factors that can influence whether I have a good run or a bad run.

So yeah, lots of things come into play when it comes to running. As I said, training is an emotional journey.

Yesterday I had a bad run. I was supposed to run 20 miles and I only did 11. I let the pain and exhaustion get into my head as I was running and I suddenly felt like I couldn't take going for another 9 miles. I got very emotional once I decided to stop and I started mentally beating myself up for not reaching the goal set out to complete. I spent the rest of the day feeling depressed and frustrated and the whole thing ended up putting me in a bad emotional spiral, where I questioned every decision I have made in the last 2 years. 

It was rough.

But when I woke up today, I felt better. Optimistic, even. After a good night's sleep, I awoke with a clear head, and realized the spiral I was in the day before was totally temporary, and that I allowed my negative lower brain voice to get the best of me. 

And so I decided to do something I don't normally do the day after a long run - I went out for another run. The weather was warm and the sky was clear and I was in the exact right headspace to hit the pavement. I didn't complete the 9 miles I missed the day before (I didn't want to risk hurting myself by going that long of a distance the day after a long run), but I did complete 2 miles and I felt really good about it. Thanks to that quick follow-up run, I was able to end my weekend on a high note.

I have had many training days over the last 9 weeks where I wondered to myself if I made the right decision signing up to run Boston. Do I have what it takes? My God, what if it takes me 8 hours to finish? What if I hurt myself during the race? What if I am too old to be doing a race of this magnitude now? What if I am too overweight to finish this race? What if I am not pushing myself hard enough in my training - or what if I push too hard? What if what if what if...?

Every time I hit the treadmill, the rail trail, or the street for a run, I have to overcome all of those worried doubting thoughts that race through my mind. Most days I am good and I can squash them with optimism and good energy. I also keep reminding myself that I may not be a fast runner and I can't really control that, but I can control how much time, effort, and discipline I put into my training, - so I just focus on that. But every now and then, the negative worries seep in and are hard to shake.

So I will just keep plugging along and do what I can to stay positive and optimistic for the remainder of my training journey. Less than a month remaining until the big day. Eeek!

Today was the first day of spring and as I finished my 2 miler on the rail trail, I spotted some branches with early signs of green sprouting on them:

A little sign from nature that just when you think winter will swallow you whole - spring arrives, ready to flourish and bring life back into the world. I will remember that the next time I find myself in the midst of a bad run. The bad thoughts and negative feelings will pass, they always do, and another good run is waiting for me, just around the corner.

Hope springs eternal. 💜⚘